My late twenties (umm, when did THAT happen?!) mean one thing to me: babies. I’ve had “The Fever” since before I even knew how babies were made. Unfortunately, as I found out in 5th grade: it takes two – and my husband just recently joined the craze. Once we decided, “We are READY!”, we basically spent a few weeks holding hands and skipping in the sunshine while debating baby names (or, at least that’s how I remember it now). We were so beautifully naive back then. Now, five months later, any time we start discussing anything baby-related, I declare it bad juju and run around our apartment knocking on wood. I mean come on, he suggested I ACTUALLY BUY the shirt I want as an announcement when we aren’t even pregnant (at least, not yet, FINGERS CROSSED, BABY DUST, TRY NOT TO LOSE YOUR MIND, FA A LA LA LA LA LA LA LA).
Alright, here’s the real issue: we ARE ready to have a baby, but I wasn’t ready for the anxiety and heartache that would follow me around like a shadow each month. No one prepares you for this, because no one talks about it. We chose to keep our decision of TTC (trying to conceive for your newbies!) to ourselves, and now at this point I think I’d become an over-sharer if I had told anyone.
Co-Worker: “Morning! How are you?”
Me: “Still not pregnant! Cycle Day 15, and I think my ovulation app might be plotting against me. Did you know that pineapple core can help with implantation?!”
*Chews on pineapple as co-worker backs away slowly*
The ovulation app is a real thing by the way (how did anyone ever get pregnant before technology?!). Besides the app telling me that I “drink too much alcohol” *rolls eyes while sipping wine*, it’s been one of my most useful TTC tools. I posted this blurb out of pure frustration with “the process” and was amazed at the response it received. I discovered that there are actually a lot of women in my same position, and whether they’re three or thirteen months in, the struggle is still very real. We’re in a niche group that no one wants to be a part of – the “I can’t get pregnant (yet)” group – and sometimes positivity can be hard to find. I’ve learned that, “You are not alone.” are the four most soothing words you can hear, and that’s the message that I’m trying to spread.
Do I hope that one day this will turn into a pregnancy blog? Abso-freaking-lutely! But for now, I’d like to officially invite you along for my journey, while simultaneously promising to never call it a journey again – this isn’t The Bachelorette. Unless The Bachelorette involves more peeing on sticks than I’m aware of…?