Infertility · Trying to Conceive

IUI #0.5

It’s becoming difficult to formulate my thoughts on this when all I want to do is bang my hands all over the keyboard and scream like: FHADFKJDHSKJFDHSAKFHAD  FAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHH AHAHHH AHHHH!!!!!! How, HOW do you just completely botch an IUI??????  Did they think that after experiencing the Clomid Challenge last month that this time they should feature a trial IUI?  Angry is too small of a word to describe how I’m feeling right now. Furious. Outraged. Think Real Housewives of New Jersey level mad.

giphy2

It all went downhill with the very first phone call where the nurse told me to trigger (when the day before I was told I’d be coming in again for an ultrasound) and then went on to explain how timed intercourse worked.  Whoa, what happened to my IUI?!  When I pointed out that we were planning on going through with IUI, she jabbered on about how most couples try for three cycles with timed intercourse, but that’s fine – we can have an IUI cause it’s “better anyway”.  I literally said, “Yeah, I’m not that patient.”  But REALLY THOUGH. It’s been over a year and I have bad eggs – can I get a little hustle?!

That one phone call then set so many wrongs into motion:

  • They had me trigger too soon.  No, I’m not the greatest at reading ultrasound results (and they don’t EVEN TELL ME what those results are, like, EVER), but I just find it extremely hard to believe that I’m usually a CD17/18 Oer (and confirmed that didn’t change with Clomid last month), but all of a sudden I’m ready to trigger on DAY 11?!  Is there some sort of deadline I’m not aware of? Why is this being so rushed?  I had no time to mentally prepare myself, let alone get set up with a sperm reserve just in case all the ones for the IUI immediately died off in my toxic uterus.
  • Speaking of triggers, I wasn’t given a TIME to trigger.  Just told to do it in the evening.  I should’ve known that sooner would’ve been better, but I just waited till 8PM rolled around and we were done with our rice-a-roni for my husband to inject me (which he thankfully pulled off with very little instruction because he’s amazing at everything – seriously, it’s a little obnoxious).
  • SPEAKING OF TIME…….they had me come in the very next day.  Again, not told a distinct number of hours after I trigger, just “come in tomorrow for your IUI”.  The only time they ever mentioned was that Doctor Kate wasn’t available until 11AM, which THANK GOD because I would’ve tried to schedule the IUI for 8AM since I didn’t know any better!

I was specifically told that it was important to come in the day after the trigger shot, but that a second IUI wasn’t necessary.  Even Doctor Kate told me that doing back to back IUIs only SLIGHTLY increases your odds (which as I’m typing I’m all “Jesus woman why wouldn’t you want to increase your odds by any little bit?!”) and isn’t worth the time and money and stress of it all.  Sure, fine. I know most couples do just one round, BUT those couples are also scheduled for their IUI exactly 36 hours post trigger shot.  This was 15 hours. FIF.TEEN. The poor guys die off within 12-24 hours after they’re washed!  So, I’m out. Sure there are some success stories I’ve stumbled upon during my now frantic searching, but IUI in general isn’t a very successful procedure so if we don’t even have the timing right then WHAT’S THE POINT?!

We’re not completely innocent here, some of the blame is ours for these two stupid reasons:

  1. Last month I told my husband I thought that we should move on to an RE simply because the IUI process involved him going to a completely different lab and then bringing the syringe of sperm to my OBGYNs office in what is a legit jewelry box.  I just didn’t want to deal with the headache of trying to schedule appointments that lined up perfectly at two separate locations, and the worry that something would get messed up along the way (think: overheated syringe sperm). My husband is actually the one who said we should stick with Doctor Kate for this first round, but I promise I’ll forgive him for it eventually…
  2. I still had the option of getting that second IUI.  It was my choice, and I made the wrong one. It was just so exhausting to coordinate everything and get from work to their office in the middle of the day via public transit (if we drove to work and lived in the suburbs, none of this would be a problem – so does that mean the city is to blame?) that we decided not to go through with it.  Especially after Doctor Kate attempted to convince me (or DID manage to convince me) that a second round wasn’t necessary. I’m trying to tell myself that even the second IUI wouldn’t have been timed properly, but now I’ll never know.

I could’ve researched even more about the IUI and helped make the best decision for us, but we wanted to trust my doctor.  Who are we to act like we know better than a medical professional? In the end of all this mess, I only had one mature follicle to pair with my one, early IUI.  I’m not even saying this for pessimistic purposes: I really truly believe that there is the SLIMMEST of chances that this worked. The only good that came out of it was that they sped up my cycle, so I’ve already been thrown into the TWW that I thought was going to be another week away.  

I’m going to spend this TWW shopping for an actual RE.  No more sugar coated FSH levels or poorly timed procedures – this is the real deal.  I’ve been warming up to the sour receptionist and pouty tech (literally told me she was not happy to be there on her day off while she was ultrasounding me…liiiike, my bad), but that’s not enough to keep me there.  Doctor Kate isn’t even enough anymore. Time to close the door on this chapter of our process (none of that sounds like the correct saying I’m trying to get at).

I’m still searching for hope, even though instead I’m finding more wrongs.  Every other woman seems to know her exact follicle sizes, have specific trigger times, and had their IUI no earlier than 24 hours later.  Nothing was left up to choice, or chance. This is a very teachable moment: learn from my mistakes (time and time again)! Even if you love your OBGYN, leave the fertility treatments to the specialists.  At least for me, things can only go up from here. *Knock on wood, please don’t jinx my uterus – we have enough bad luck!*

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