The Tale of The Disappearing Follicle

I know what you’re thinking: “You haven’t updated us on your progress much, what’s going on there?! Are you growing a forest of polyps? Also, why are you still so butthurt over this polyp thing? It happened one time!” Well you will all be happy to hear that there are no additional polyps setting up shop in my uterus. I know this for a fact because the ultrasound tech thought she saw a polyp and just to be safe – I was subjected to my second SIS. They might as well just sign me up for a bi-monthly internal scrubbing at this point (side note: these get less uncomfortable with time, and I hate that I know that). Being declared polyp free is good, but finding out that it wasn’t the only thing to disappear this cycle was…not so good.

We all know that IUIs are all about the follies and the lining, of which both went from kinda there to completely missing within two days. Literally, I had an okay looking 14mm on CD13 and then by CD15 – POOF, gone! And no I didn’t ovulate, which is what would happen to any other normal woman, but not this Infertile! My RE said that my ultrasounds looked like they were from two completely different women, so at least I’m not failing to continually impress people with my bizarre uterus.

Here’s where things get really fucked up: this was happening in July. Now I know that initially you’re like “damn girl, what do you have against July?!” But it’s not just about it being July (except I am starting to miss the comforts of winter – aka the season of carbs). It happens to be the same month that my body freaked out last year and I conceived my ectopic. What the hell kind of pattern is that?! Now I had to hope that the lovely little 14mm wasn’t secretly released and strolling through my tube, waiting to lure an unsuspecting swimmer to be used in ectopic #2. Note to self: going forward, July needs to be the birth control month because Mars must be in retrograde or some crap that makes my body go ‘NOPE’.

Okay fine I know you don’t care about my annual glitch, but I’m JUST SAYING it’s real freaking weird. Anyway, I might be the first woman to have a follicle deflate halfway through a cycle, but I’m not the first to have issues with responding to fertility medications. If you’re ever told that you’re not showing any follicles after popping Clomid for five days – that doesn’t mean you’re a lost cause! Most RE’s will suggest stair stepping or the stair-step method, where they’ll give you a slightly higher dose of your drug of choice for another five days. And if you’re anything like me then TADA – you’ll have follies again (or, really like me, just one follicle – because my ovaries aren’t team players and they refuse to help me up my chances).

This is obvious but I’m going to say it anyway: be prepared for a longer cycle. IUI #3 (I never even mentioned IUI #2 because it was so uneventful and unsuccessful that it’s like – who cares?) didn’t occur until CD34. I was given a tag-team of nurses for this round because my crotch has now become a prop for educators. I’m waiting for the day when they lead me into an auditorium and ask if I mind that 250 of their residents gaze on (which I’ll say yes of course – don’t want to be impolite).

One of the more hilarious aspects of my IUIs (and SIS) is that the nurse/doctor always pop up after their first glance to ask, “Are you on estrogen?” My first instinct is to say no, just to give them a second to be thrown into an immediate panic about why my crotch would be electric blue. Read the chart guys – I’m supping per your instructions! This time, my smurf vag became a teachable moment and the head nurse turned to her male shadow and said, “Jamie, come look at this. See how it’s blue?” I had to keep myself from laughing out loud as I half expected her to fling open the door while shouting, “Hey everyone – come check out this lady’s blue mucus!” I suppose it says a lot that male nurse didn’t look on in horror once he gazed into my crotch in all her blue-smeared glory. I must have a beautiful looking cervix, or he’s already been desensitized at being able to basically see woman’s internal organs. Either way, kid’s got potential.  

As a (glorious) side effect of ODing on estrogen (it’s been 20 days and counting) – I have now developed some triple B’s (big bouncing boobies) and I would like to keep them as a permanent member of my body. Husband has also recently noticed the BBBs, he is pleased. I’ve gotten chunky too, which I’m going to go ahead and blame that on the estrogen instead of admitting that I’ve already given up on summer. It’s basically fall – let’s stop fighting it and start bringing out the pumpkin spice lattes and flannel. Okay FINE I have an agenda when it comes to pushing the summer along. We’ve officially been in talks with my RE about moving onto IVF. She seems real optimistic about it working, but she’s also severely (naturally) pregnant now, so by default I don’t trust her anymore. Our bootcamp is in three weeks (where they’ll teach my husband how to administer shots and where to hide when my hormones get out of control) and then we’ll be IVFers come September! That means there’s one more cycle to go (well, by the rule of thumb, you have to multiply that by three because I’ll develop a polyp and a cyst and then I’ll have an anovulatory cycle and then my uterus will get displaced, BUT THEN it’s IVF time)! I’m planning on playing it safe with this next cycle – which means no meds beyond a trigger shot to time our very last IUI. No more disappearing follies for me!

I want to hear your stories! What’s the weirdest thing that happened during your IUI? Comment below!

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