IVF Bootcamp should be renamed to IVF Day Where You Hear The Same Things From Five Different People. After reading through the multiple packets they gave us on “what we’re going to make your ovaries do, then what we’re gonna do, and then you’re suddenly pregnant” I wondered what else could there be to this? Turns out: nothing really. IVF is…pretty basic? The infertile part of my brain is too far developed for me to even be able to remember what I thought IVF entailed before I discovered my uterus was pretty useless, but I know I always thought it was way more intense than it is. Don’t get me wrong, multiple injections on a daily basis and a fifteen minute nap where they use a mini vacuum to suck out your eggs is no small feat, but it’s not the big scary process that everyone makes it out to be (check back with me when I’m a week in and my ovaries are the size of oranges to see if I feel the same way). With the exception of the cost (yes I know it’s going-back-to-college expensive, without the added fun of jungle juice), IVF is pretty much just an amped up version of an IUI. Have you done IUI with injectables? You’re basically one step away from IVF – and you could be getting an extra bonus of someone fertilizing your eggs for you. It’s about damn time that someone else did the hard work around here! But first: “BOOTCAMP”. Most fertility clinics require a (half) day’s worth of IVF For Dummies, and our office is no exception. Within four hours we met with the following infertility experts:
- A financial consultant, who explained that everything is covered by insurance (yippee!) with the exception of PGS/PGD (which we aren’t doing anyway) and egg freezing ($500 a year is manageable when you think about the fact that they’re giving your embabies a nice frozen home – that’s cheaper than rent)!
- My RE, whose sole purpose for the day was to review everything that could go wrong while also saying how unlikely all of those outcomes were. To which I responded, “Well, I like to beat the odds, so let’s go back to the part where you tell me that my ovaries could explode and what the warning signs are.”
- My main nurse, who went over everything I cannot do (no working out, no alcohol, no sex – like the methotrexate drill all over again) and who provided an unhelpful calendar that stopped after Day 3 because they have no clue what exactly my protocol will look like until I start being monitored. She did say that the longest it should take, from day 1 of stims to beta, is 28 days which is more than bearable.
- Their pharmacist showed us what all the shots look like (the Follistim comes in a cool pen that my husband got to play with) and I felt free to zone out during much of the explanations because my husband has been promoted from cup masterbator to shot administrator, so it’s one less thing for me to worry about. (Side note: everyone seemed so shocked every time I said that my husband was going to be getting all the shots ready and doing my injections. How is this not normal? Men literally have one job, might as well put them to work! I even made him pick that shit up when my shots were delivered. Pic of the whole gang together below!)
- And then after hours of reviewing that this process (still) involves injections, antibiotics, an egg retrieval, ICSI, a transfer, and lots of waiting…Psychologist Angela came along and changed my damn life.